Dealing With Grief

Dealing With Grief, Healing
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Our Wedding Day, November 24, 2006 at Casa de Campo, República Dominicana.

Dear Friends,

(Posted on my Fan Page: Annette Vaillant The Blog on July 3, 2015)

I will continue posting and writing on this blog with a greater commitment than ever before.  I will share my speech at my husband’s funeral service with all of you.  The purpose of this, is to be able to bring a little peace to those who have been, or are going through the death of a loved one.

My oldest son flew down to Puerto Rico from Florida to give me love and support during this very difficult and extremely sad moment in my life.  My other two sons live on the island.

I had been divorced from my son’s dad for about 5 years when I went to a friend’s Christmas party with my youngest one who was 17 at the time and met Rafi who had been a widower for the past 7 years and had 4 children and 11 grandchildren. We fell in love and got married 2 years later.

The priest at the funeral service whom I had never met before, gave a very beautiful sermon, trying to give comfort and peace to Rafi’s children and grandchildren whom he asked to join him up front in prayer in a most beautiful and powerful ceremony, but he apparently did not realize that Rafi’s widow was also present at this ceremony.

I’m  totally sure that this was a mistake and not an omission because it would be very hard for me to believe that with the magnificent power of speech and spiritual healing the priest showed in his sermon,  he would have willingly left me out and not have asked me to join them just because of the fact that I’m a divorcee. No, I’m sure this wasn’t the case because that would have shown a total lack of empathy on his part, but I felt under the right and obligation to speak afterwards at the burial services.

I hope this brings a little peace and comfort to all of you who are grieving the loss of a loved one as it gave me to be able to express myself.

“We women are so very strong!  And the reason behind this is that God granted us a maternal instinct that we thought was dormant until we become caregivers to a loved one and this instinct resurfaces once again. Stronger than ever.

Rafi was his belated wife’s caregiver.  He was by her side for 10 consecutive years until she lost her battle to cancer on 1999.  (The same year I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which I always thought was a coincidence ) He took excellent care of her during her ordeal and he deserved by Karma or let’s call it “Law of the Universe” to be taken care of in the same way. Rafi was taken care of during his long and debilitating illness the way he deserved to be taken care of and died with dignity next to his wife and loved ones.

I would like to add some words to the beautiful ones spoken by the priest at the service.  I would like the Lord to grant comfort and peace to his only sister and husband who are here  today and were beside him all the time through his ordeal and to his Mom (She is 106 years old and obviously couldn’t come to the services) because my peace and comfort will be granted to me by Rafi, and by the good Lord.

Thank you very much.”

           Copyright © 2015 UVA Investment, Corp. All rights reserved.

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!Este blog continúa! Y con mas fuerza que nunca.
Comparto con todas Uds. mis palabras durante el entierro de mi queridísimo marido con el objetivo de traerle un poco de paz a aquellas que estén pasando o han pasado por la muerte de un ser querido. Uno de mis hijos pudo venir de Estados Unidos a acompañarme y darme “support. Yo estaba divorciada y mi marido viudo, padre de 4 hijos y abuelo de varios nietos cuando nos conocimos hace 10 años 1/2. Nos enamoramos y nos casamos.
El sacerdote al cual yo no conocía y el cual habló precioso en la misa de difunto, dándole consuelo a sus hijos y a sus nietos, haciéndolos pasar al frente para que se unieran en oración en una bellísima e impactante ceremonia, no se percató de que en esta misa se encontraba la viuda. Estoy segura de que fue verdaderamente una equivocación y no una omisión porque se me haría muy difícil pensar que un padre con ese poder de sanación espiritual y de palabra me obviara por ser divorciada. No, estoy segura que no, porque esto hubiera sido una verdadera falta de caridad. Pero me vi en la obligacíon y además el derecho de hablar en el momento del entierro. Espero les traiga algún tipo de paz como me la dio a mi el poder expresarme:
“¡Qué fuerte somos las mujeres! Y es porque todas cargamos un inmenso instinto maternal que creíamos dormido hasta que llega el momento de tener que cuidar a un ser querido y ahí vuelve a resurgir. Con mas fuerzas que nunca. Rafi cuidó incansablemente de su esposa durante su larguísima enfermedad y se merecía, digamos por ley de vida o Karma que lo atendieran a él de igual manera. Rafi fue cuidado durante toda su larga e incapacitante enfermedad, como se merecía, y así murió, dignamente al lado de su esposa y sus seres queridos.
Quiero añadirle a las preciosas palabras del padre, consuelo a su única hermana que se encuentra presente junto a su esposo, los cuales estuvieron presente también durante toda la enfermedad de mi marido, a su madre que aún vive ( tiene 106 años y no pudo estar) porque a mi el consuelo me lo da Rafi y me lo da Dios”.

          Copyright © 2015 UVA Investment, Corp. All rights reserved.

8 thoughts on “Dealing With Grief

  1. Así es, Annette, hiciste bien en ofrecer tus palabras en el entierro, es lo que se espera de una viuda, que a la vez es fuerte, y que cuidó con esmero y cariño a su esposo . A veces, una tiene que tragar gordo, y pensar por el bien de todos, que uno hubo premeditación. Hay que seguir adelante hasta que Papa Dios diga.

  2. Lo siento mucho Annette . Ya Rafi descansa y no sufre mas. Se veían muy felices y se que el poco tiempo que compartieron como matrimonio te hizo muy feliz. Un abrazo 😇🙏🏻

  3. Wow to begin with what a great photo and how happy you both look. Sometimes people make mistakes but with so much grief you sometimes let things pass but l hope later you let him.know. a brief when dad pass l went to.P.R. and his last ex wife was there and she wanted to.say a few words and the family didn’t want for her to speak and l make sure she did because that hurt even more when they split in good terms.So l kind of know that it hurts but let me tell.you your children are amazing for been there with you and for you .And l know the Lord will bless you always and Rafi is in your heart for evermore.I enjoy reading this blog it helps me with my grief. God Bless.

  4. Annette, no sabes cuanto lo siento! Agradezco tus palabras. Ahora mismo tengo a mi hermano entubado, en coma. Que dificil es esto!
    un abrazo
    Palmira Pagan

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