Keep yourself busy. Yep, that’s what I preach. Busy, busy, busy and then you won’t have time to think. By the time you get home, you will be so tired that you won’t remember your sorrows, or your name, for that matter. You’ll take a bath and fall right into bed.
I don’t know why we’re so disturbed by death when it’s the only sure thing we have in life. We don’t know if we’re going to be born, if we are going to succeed, marry, have babies. But die? Yes, that one’s for sure. And yet so many people fear death. I surely don’t. And let me tell you, I have shaken hands with it before. But yes, we are so devastated when someone we love passes away…and it’s so hard to recover. They leave this space in your heart and sorrow seems to be your true companion. And we deal with it. Or at least we try…
Well, yesterday was one of those very busy days where I filled mine with constant activity, doing what I love best which is to be surrounded by people and meet new ones. I was at a women’s symposium at a mentor’s booth where I would talk to women who scheduled an appointment with me, about innovation. And boy, do I know about innovation. I have reinvented myself about a hundred times in my no expiration date life.
I walked out of the activity at around 5:30pm because I had to go home and change to go to yet another activity at night, carrying my stand up banner (which I thought was unnoticeable) inside this thin long bag in my arm when a friend comes up to me and says hello. I had not seen him in a long time. He asks me what I was doing now. I answer him, (feeling quite silly, by the way), “I have a blog”. “Oh yes,” he tells me. I’ve seen some of your comments in Facebook. “Yes”, I answered. “I make comments on Facebook”. “And what is that thing you’re carrying in that bag, a violin?” Believe me, my dear friends, I stuttered while I answered, “No, it’s not a violin, it’s a stand-up banner” He looked at me in dismay. I asked him what he was doing here at the hotel and he told me he was picking up his wife who was also attending the symposium, to have some drinks. And that’s exactly when it hit me.
Rafi didn’t like to go to my work related activities, but he would always come to meet me and have some drinks, or dinner afterwards. And then, just then and there, I realized this was going to be my reality from now on. I will always leave these activities alone carrying my case with my stand up banner, and yes maybe I will, maybe I’ll take some violin lessons.
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Mantente bien ocupada. No pienses. Sí, esto es lo que siempre predico. Así cuando llegues a tu casa estarás tan cansada que solo tendrás fuerzas para darte un baño y caer de bruces en la cama.
No entiendo por qué nos asombramos tanto con la muerte si es lo único seguro que tenemos en esta vida. No sabemos si vamos a nacer, casarnos, tener bebés, triunfar. ¿Pero morir? Sí esto es cien por ciento seguro. Y tantos le tienen miedo a la muerte. Yo honestamente no. A pesar de que tuve, en su momento, un encuentro cercano del tercer tipo con ella . Pero sí, nos quedamos tan devastados cuando alguien querido y cercano se muere y es tan difícil la recuperación. Nos deja este vacío en nuestras vidas y en nuestro corazón. Así y todo nos recuperamos. O por lo menos tratamos.
Ayer fue uno de esos días donde llené mi día de actividades. Fui invitada a un simposio a un stand de mentores donde señoras que sacaron cita previa, podían hablar conmigo sobre innovación. Y sabré yo sobre innovación si en mi vida, sin fecha de expiración, me he reinventado mas de cien veces.
Salí del salón como a las 5:30pm para buscar mi auto cargando un maletín estrecho y largo el cual tenía adentro mi “stand up banner”, cuando en eso se me acerca un amigo, al cual no veía hacía tiempo, me saluda y me pregunta que estoy haciendo ahora. Me sentí bastante tonta y le contesté: “Tengo un blog”. “Ah sí, te he visto haciendo comentarios por Facebook.” “Sí”, le contesté. “Hago comentarios por Facebook”. “¿Y qué llevas dentro de ese maletín, un violín?”. Aquí me puse un poco gaga. “No, no es un violín, es un “stand-up banner”. Me miró un tanto asombrado. Le pregunté que hacía y me contestó que venía a reunirse con su esposa la cual también estaba en el simposio para tomarse unos tragos. Aquí fue donde me tocó la fibra.
A Rafi no le gustaba acompañarme a actividades relacionadas a mi trabajo pero siempre se encontraba conmigo después para darse unos tragos y comer. Aquí me encontré cara a cara con el hecho de que esta iba a ser mi realidad de ahora en adelante. Iba a salir de las actividades sola cargando mi “stand up banner”.
Y sí, ¿por qué no? Quizás me ponga a tomar clases de violín.
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Annette Vaillant 
My problem is the family,they either choose to ignore me,or they don’t have time for dear titi
when they come to P.R, I was never included in their plans,because I was working or they wouldn’ti say
Me,when my mother pass away two year ago,I was the one that was prepare for it, but when I saw my
Dear mom in that case and realize I wasn’t goin to see her again I cry one if my sister saw me,and du didn’t console me or have a hug from her,she told my brother and he told someone else I was console
By others but not my sister or brother,now I understand my mother,she was always protecting me she. New this would happend,I now that my family will not miss me ,been alive is been ignore but thank God
I have my Jesus and the virgin. Mary to help me. a and few good friends just like the picture ,thank you
for letting me express myself in your site
Stephania. You must have a conversation with your family. I don’t know the details but if you open your heart to them and talk, maybe they will open theirs to you and explain to you why they are acting the way they are. Open the communication. It’s the only way.
Best regards and good wishes.
It’s so true Annette, busy, busy,busy. One of the best treatments for everyone and helps many things and maintains you in a positive perspective of expectation as you move on . Totally proud and happy for these new experience. Indeed we all have some experiences in life at different stages. I looked at your experience at this moment at least in or try a positive way. As you said, you had the privilege of having Rafi for some time during these activities and at the end both would enjoy the night. You were blessed to have your husband and had done the same as your friend of that night on another moment. You were blessed to have someone who loved you and taked care of you. Life is unpredictable, I know there are some experienced we never dreamed would happen to us. But Annette we have to go in life as it comes and move forward to what is presented to you or anyone at any moment. Who more than you to know about life surprises.
You have been an inspiration for many, including me on survival and having the power and will to move forward. I am sure you maybe never imagined you would have accomplished all you have done in the last months. You are a warrior and that is very important for survival. Who knows maybe you will be playing a violin, jajaja. I would love to see that! God is with you, that night maybe a bit nostalgic ,but you smiled just remembering those special moments. Know it’s time for other special moments, and the universe is conspiring on honoring you to have other experiences and meet and leave a positive impulse or memory so other women can see that it is possible to Stand up and Survive.
Proud of you. Good Bless and every time Rafi comes to your mind just say thank you to him for giving you all that love and thank God for the opportunity. Keep on, Annette, besides helping yourself ,you are touching many lives at this moment.
Una realidad diferente no necesariamente será peor. Seguramente tomara mucho tiempo en acostumbrarse a esa nueva realidad, peor sin duda saldrá exitosa. Gracias por ayer compatir su fuerza y sus ideas con las damas que nos acercamos a usted. Hablar esos minutos fue como hablar una hora. Muy agradecida.
Gracias Rita. Para mi fue muy enriquecedor hablar contigo también. Un abrazo.
I loved your post. Yes, sometimes we feel silly doing that thing we do. I went through a severe ordeal some years ago that left me grieving for 2 years and recovering for 2 more. Mine was more of a trauma. It was hell. Panic attacks, bodily pain, hair falling out and thats just the tip of the iceberg. No one could tell because I hid it well. So you reinvent and reinvent, seek God and keep growing. You heal….you keep going, you fall, you get up and keep going. I took up martial arts, fiddling with Korean language, Italian language, reading, self-development, jewelry making, and recently I’m drawing, journaling, writing and painting again. I healed physically, mentally, emotionally and best of all spiritually. Even finished my masters degree. In the end, while reinventing thyself and feeling silly…..you win! Write-on…..(a distant cousin).
Wow! C. Vaillant. I understand you perfectly. People sometimes don’t understand that mental ailments are very human and as real and many times harder to deal than bodily ailments. You are a fighter indeed. Are we related?
I loved your post. Yes, sometimes we feel silly doing that thing we do. I went through a severe ordeal some years ago that left me grieving for 2 years and recovering for 2 more. Mine was more of a trauma. It was hell. Panic attacks, bodily pain, hair falling out and thats just the tip of the iceberg. No one could tell because I hid it well. So you reinvent and reinvent, seek God and keep growing. You heal….you keep going, you fall, you get up and keep going. I took up martial arts, fiddling with Korean language, Italian language, reading, self-development, jewelry making, and recently I’m drawing, journaling, writing and painting again. I healed physically, mentally, emotionally and best of all spiritually. Even finished my masters degree. In the end, while reinventing thyself and feeling silly…..you win! Write-on…..(a distant cousin).
Possible relation through your uncle Omar Vaillant. I was told years ago he is my grandfather Cesar’s distant cousin. Not sure how close or removed but I saw him on TV once and was shocked at how much they looked alike. You and I met doing genealogical research online with cubagenweb many years ago. We are friends on fb too. ☺ lovely blog and refreshing to read something different. It’s like a day in the life. Thank you.