You’re not here…anymore.

Dealing With Grief

Foto RAFI Y YO

Suffering sucks.   But the desperate feeling of not being able to find a way out makes hurting even worse. That’s why I run away from it. I keep myself very busy so that I have absolutely no time to think and realize that my long time companion is not here and will never be here again. So all of the sudden when suffering strikes, I write. This is my way of coping and if I can be of help to someone who is going through something similar then, fortunately, my hurting serves a purpose.

Yes, I remember him so well. So very utterly handsome and elegant.  With his crisp cotton white shirts and black pants. Always a gentleman.

So I sit here today in front of my computer at our home, which he used to call his “Little Cave”,  that we had remodeled to our liking, left with memories in each and every corner. Exactly ten years ago this month, we got married promising each other eternal love.  Love which was fleeting.

When I’m not physically active, his presence falls upon me. Coco, Caña and Canela also miss him. He was their master.  Now they snuggle with me at night. I hated to have the dogs sleep with us, but he would always convince me to let them in our room. Now I’m the one who brings them in. They give me love and companionship as only dogs can.

No one could come into our apartment without Coco trying to bite them.  Now Coco has become a tremendously gentle dog.  He doesn’t have to protect his master who he sensed was so lacking in health.

We shared unforgettable moments together.  He was my husband, my lover, my friend.  Now I find myself in that hollow status, so lacking in feelings, I’m his “widow”.  This is my new reality and one that I will have to cope with for the rest of my time in this mystery called life.

But yes, I want to believe that we will someday all be part of a new world where we will all meet in solidarity. Until then, my dear Rafi, I write thoughts on my wall which probably only make sense to me. And with that, my dear, I am content.

Copyright © 2015 UVA Investment, Corp. All rights reserved.

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 Sufrir es feo. Pero la desesperación de no encontrarle salida a tu sufrimiento es peor. Por eso le huyo con todo. Me mantengo sumamente ocupada para no darme cuenta de que mi compañero de años no está y no va a estar nunca más. Porque ese pensamiento de “nunca más” me desespera.  De momento me agarra el dolor y ¿qué hago? Escribo. De esta manera me salgo de mi misma y quizás ayude a alguna que está pasando por lo mismo. Entonces mi sufrimiento agarra algún tipo de sentido.

Sí recuerdo a mi marido hoy. Tan pero tan buenmozo, tan elegante y caballeroso. Con su camisa blanca almidonada y su pantalón largo negro.  Hoy estoy en este, nuestro hogar, al cual él llamaba “La Cuevita” la cual remodelamos juntos a nuestra imagen y semejanza, y la cual él abandonó a destiempo dejándome llena de recuerdos en cada rincón.

Justamente este mes, hace diez años nos casamos y nos juramos amor eterno. Amor eterno que en esta vida fue demasiado fugaz.

Siento mucho su ausencia cuando no estoy activa. Coco, Caña y Canela lo extrañan también. Su amo era él. Y ahora se acurrucan a mi por las noches.

Yo odiaba dormir con los perros. Pero Rafi siempre buscaba la manera de convencerme para que los dejara dormir en nuestra habitación. Ahora los entro yo misma. Son mis tres compañeros y me dan mucho amor, y compañía. Como solo los perros lo pueden hacer.

No había quién entrara en mi casa que Coco no le tirara protegiendo a Rafi. Ahora Coco es un perro dócil que recibe con mucho cariño a mi familia e invitados. Sí, me cuida a mí, pero ya no se siente en la obligación de proteger a su amo, el cual Coco intuía carecía de salud.

Pasé muchas lindas etapas junto a Rafi. Amante, amiga, compañera y esposa. Ahora soy esa palabra tan hueca y carente de sentimientos su “viuda”,  la cual me niego a utilizar.

Esta es mi realidad y no voy a dejar que me tumbe. Lo quiero y lo extraño muchísimo, pero hay que seguir hacia adelante en este misterio que se llama vida.

“Hasta que la muerte nos separe”, así nos juramos. Y quizás, nos unamos algún día. Quiero pensar que está en un mundo mejor al cual llegaremos todos en unión y solidaridad. Hasta entonces, mi querido Rafi, serás sólo esto, una serie de palabras en mi muro que quizás solo a mí me hagan sentido. Y con esto, por ahora, me tiene que bastar.

Copyright © 2015 UVA Investment, Corp. Todos los derechos reservados.

Dealing With Grief

Dealing With Grief, Healing
Screen Shot 2015-08-16 at 8.58.04 AM

Our Wedding Day, November 24, 2006 at Casa de Campo, República Dominicana.

Dear Friends,

(Posted on my Fan Page: Annette Vaillant The Blog on July 3, 2015)

I will continue posting and writing on this blog with a greater commitment than ever before.  I will share my speech at my husband’s funeral service with all of you.  The purpose of this, is to be able to bring a little peace to those who have been, or are going through the death of a loved one.

My oldest son flew down to Puerto Rico from Florida to give me love and support during this very difficult and extremely sad moment in my life.  My other two sons live on the island.

I had been divorced from my son’s dad for about 5 years when I went to a friend’s Christmas party with my youngest one who was 17 at the time and met Rafi who had been a widower for the past 7 years and had 4 children and 11 grandchildren. We fell in love and got married 2 years later.

The priest at the funeral service whom I had never met before, gave a very beautiful sermon, trying to give comfort and peace to Rafi’s children and grandchildren whom he asked to join him up front in prayer in a most beautiful and powerful ceremony, but he apparently did not realize that Rafi’s widow was also present at this ceremony.

I’m  totally sure that this was a mistake and not an omission because it would be very hard for me to believe that with the magnificent power of speech and spiritual healing the priest showed in his sermon,  he would have willingly left me out and not have asked me to join them just because of the fact that I’m a divorcee. No, I’m sure this wasn’t the case because that would have shown a total lack of empathy on his part, but I felt under the right and obligation to speak afterwards at the burial services.

I hope this brings a little peace and comfort to all of you who are grieving the loss of a loved one as it gave me to be able to express myself.

“We women are so very strong!  And the reason behind this is that God granted us a maternal instinct that we thought was dormant until we become caregivers to a loved one and this instinct resurfaces once again. Stronger than ever.

Rafi was his belated wife’s caregiver.  He was by her side for 10 consecutive years until she lost her battle to cancer on 1999.  (The same year I was diagnosed with breast cancer, which I always thought was a coincidence ) He took excellent care of her during her ordeal and he deserved by Karma or let’s call it “Law of the Universe” to be taken care of in the same way. Rafi was taken care of during his long and debilitating illness the way he deserved to be taken care of and died with dignity next to his wife and loved ones.

I would like to add some words to the beautiful ones spoken by the priest at the service.  I would like the Lord to grant comfort and peace to his only sister and husband who are here  today and were beside him all the time through his ordeal and to his Mom (She is 106 years old and obviously couldn’t come to the services) because my peace and comfort will be granted to me by Rafi, and by the good Lord.

Thank you very much.”

           Copyright © 2015 UVA Investment, Corp. All rights reserved.

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!Este blog continúa! Y con mas fuerza que nunca.
Comparto con todas Uds. mis palabras durante el entierro de mi queridísimo marido con el objetivo de traerle un poco de paz a aquellas que estén pasando o han pasado por la muerte de un ser querido. Uno de mis hijos pudo venir de Estados Unidos a acompañarme y darme “support. Yo estaba divorciada y mi marido viudo, padre de 4 hijos y abuelo de varios nietos cuando nos conocimos hace 10 años 1/2. Nos enamoramos y nos casamos.
El sacerdote al cual yo no conocía y el cual habló precioso en la misa de difunto, dándole consuelo a sus hijos y a sus nietos, haciéndolos pasar al frente para que se unieran en oración en una bellísima e impactante ceremonia, no se percató de que en esta misa se encontraba la viuda. Estoy segura de que fue verdaderamente una equivocación y no una omisión porque se me haría muy difícil pensar que un padre con ese poder de sanación espiritual y de palabra me obviara por ser divorciada. No, estoy segura que no, porque esto hubiera sido una verdadera falta de caridad. Pero me vi en la obligacíon y además el derecho de hablar en el momento del entierro. Espero les traiga algún tipo de paz como me la dio a mi el poder expresarme:
“¡Qué fuerte somos las mujeres! Y es porque todas cargamos un inmenso instinto maternal que creíamos dormido hasta que llega el momento de tener que cuidar a un ser querido y ahí vuelve a resurgir. Con mas fuerzas que nunca. Rafi cuidó incansablemente de su esposa durante su larguísima enfermedad y se merecía, digamos por ley de vida o Karma que lo atendieran a él de igual manera. Rafi fue cuidado durante toda su larga e incapacitante enfermedad, como se merecía, y así murió, dignamente al lado de su esposa y sus seres queridos.
Quiero añadirle a las preciosas palabras del padre, consuelo a su única hermana que se encuentra presente junto a su esposo, los cuales estuvieron presente también durante toda la enfermedad de mi marido, a su madre que aún vive ( tiene 106 años y no pudo estar) porque a mi el consuelo me lo da Rafi y me lo da Dios”.

          Copyright © 2015 UVA Investment, Corp. All rights reserved.

Dealing With Grief

Dealing With Grief, Healing

CANDLEIf you have been reading my posts on my Fan Page in Facebook: Annette Vaillant The Blog, you may already know that my husband passed away on June 27 at Cleveland Clinic in Weston Florida.  He was my love, my friend and my companion.  I will be sharing the healing process with my followers. If you don’t want to read about this, or if you already read them on my Fan Page, don’t worry, I will continue to write posts about beauty and fashion here.  Just skip the ones with the title: Dealing With Grief.  I will start sharing my past posts from Facebook on this blog.

May God bless all of you who are in the process of  healing too.  You are more than welcome to share your experiences right here with me.

Remember, this blog is about Beauty, Fashion and Survival. I am in a survival mode at this time.